Loving My Chaos

Living an Adventure with EE, Multi Food Allergies and Special Needs Treasures from God!


Wonderful Yin Christmas!

Sorry it has taken so long to tell you about what we did for Yin for Christmas. I first wanted to make sure that they were going to be as good as we hoped and some of what we tried had to go back. But, we did have a few winners.

1) The top choice for Yin was the TRAPEZE:  My husband and I decided it would be great to give Yin an inside trapeze. We did not go fancy just one of the ones that you would connect to a swing set. We did not want to do a traditional trapeze like the ones at therapy for safety Imagereasons. This  I will have to say has been a great help. It makes her use all her muscles and has that swinging effect that she likes when she wants something to calm her down. Today was our first day back to school from the holidays and even though we are only doing a partial day ( trying to get her back in slowly) the trapeze has been a huge aid. For the first time ever while having a problem in her Reading lesson Yin excused herself to the basement to swing. We did not have a melt down or a temper tantrum. She was able to go down stairs and workout the energy that was building up inside and the frustration. She then came back with a few tears to get started but nothing like we have ever had before.

2) THE KINECT: Now I know I did the whole post on no electronics but Hubby and I were trying to come up with a way to get us all moving. The Wii was not doing the job. The kids had learned to cheat the Wii movements while sitting down. The only thing they were working out were their wrists.  So as we were shopping I saw the Kinect, and I have been really wanting one. I wanted something to make us all move. Hubby and I debated for a long time but finally he gave in, since there was room in the budget and I had to promise to get rid of the Wii ( I was fine with that since the Wii just upgraded their system and it was going to cost just as much to get the upgrade if we wanted any more new games). So i packed up the Wii after Christmas took it to a Gamestop got 60% my trade being a member and a special they were running and now we have a nice selection of Kinect games. I only allowed each of them to pick one sit down game for right now. They still have the rule of reading a chapter a day before they are allowed any electronics and they have to read at bed time.

Of the Kinect games, our favorites so far are The Advengers , THe Starwars Kinect, and Wipe Out. My kids are really not too much into the dancing ones but I do find them to give a great work out. I truly like the Biggest Loser since I am so out of shape it has been a great one to start with.   Yin works real hard to get school and reading done to play the Kinect.  She has also calmed down quite a bit and has been able to make better choices with her impulse control. I would have to say I do not regret this electronic purchase. I look forward to finding more Kinect games.  Even I am enjoying being a super hero!

3)THE RANGE: Yes you heard me right. We have made a BB gun and Archery Range in our basement. YIN loves weapons and to be able to pull a bow takes a lot of upper body strength. SHe also has to calm herself to be able to hit the target. She is getting to work with her obsession with weapons in a controlled safe way. FOr a long time we took all types of weapons from her. The toys made her violent and out of control. By using real weapons and focusing on the safety and dangers she has really been able to adapt and show the ability to listen and focus while getting to truly appreciate what it means to use a weapon. As for the BB gun she is doing great. She is learning all the range terminology Eyes and Ears at all time, Range hot, range Cold, Load and make Ready, Ready, Stand By, Fire, Unload and show Clear. She is doing great going through the motions and her focus is improving. She needs someone with her at all times to help, but the training has been great and I feel great that she is learning Gun safety.

The rest of her Christmas was  some normal toys and they have been nice for a good change of pace. But as usual the toys are only a short lived distraction and she really just likes to look at things then play with them. Her top toy was Buzz Lightyear. She likes toys that interact with her when she wants them too. With all of his buttons and voice commands he has become a regular guess at our dinner table. She got the horse Honey from her Granna which she loves to brush and feed. It makes noises and moves it head so she feels like it is responding. She also got a large stuffed Zebra from Granna and she loves it ! She actually Imagepretends it is real and can sit on it. She loves to brush it as well and it sleeps right next to her bed with the new Dreamlight. All in all I think she made out like a bandit. And Hubby and I are still researching ideas for gifts down the road. The major thing is she needs a variety of active Gross Motor skill activities to help her be in control. She does not understand the world around her and even her own emotions but now she has a way to let those feeling out and it gives her for the first time a sense of control in her environment.



The Dilemma with Discipline….

Tonight I find myself searching for answers on discipline. This week with Yin has been a big eye opener. I have noticed that there are a few things that she gets away with due to the fact that she has special needs. It is really hard sometimes to tell what is behavior, what is an actual sensory melt down, or what is truly and accident versus just poor judgment. I find that Yang is being affected by these actions in a way that is unfair to him. I realize something needs to be done. I am called to discipline my children. God says that a parent that does not discipline their child hates them!

Proverbs 13:24 Who ever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

How does one discipline a special needs child? I am sure I am not the first to wonder how. You can’t spank them because most of the time the child does not even understand why they would be getting spanked. It also can cause more trauma to what ever the situation is, and ends up being the opposite of what you wanted to accomplish. THen there is the timeout. Now I have used this one a few times, but boy it is more work for me than it is her. You put them in the time out area and if they move you take them back,  they scream, shout, hit their heads on the floor, or pull out their hair. They come out of the time out area looking like they were in a cat fight and they lost!  Or the opposite might happen, I put her in the time out and she sings and talks to herself like it is the best place in the world. Then I will sit with her and ask, do you know why you were in the time out. THe answer is always the same  ” Nope!” or ” Because you hate me! ”

Most of the struggles we are dealing with are made from impulse control issues. She will do things without thinking. Once she is in trouble and you tell her what she did wrong, she either goes into a fit, or in a rude unemotional way says sorry. Like, sorry is going to fix it all. She has about used up all her sorry’s that her brother can take. The part that is so confusing/shocking is that  she does not even really think she did anything wrong. There’s no remorse and if there is, it is more for her comfort than for the other persons feelings.

Yang loves his sister very much and he knows she is different from other kids.  But, at the same time, he sees a very intelligent little girl, who in his eyes, gets away with murder! She will “accidentally destroy something of value to Yang and it may truly be an accident, but how much is he going to be able to take. How do you keep those things from happening over and over again. He is getting fed up with having to say ” Its okay Yin, I know you did not do it on purpose.” but you can see the tension in his face and the anger in his eyes. He is tired of having to sacrifice all he cares about because she does not have the ability to self regulate. At some point enough is going to be enough and he is going to either explode or their relationship will be ruined.

Tonight I am praying for the  Holy Spirit to guide me in this struggle, for I do not know if there is an easy answer to our solution. I do a daily devotion on parenting from a bible app I use, and  today’s topic just happened to be on the “Power from the Holy Spirit” . I think many times when we are parenting a child with special needs, a strong-willed child, or any type of parenting struggle we may be facing, we feel alone. We try to find books or web sites to help us. I don’t think the answers rest in any of those. I don’t think there is a one answer fits all for a child with NLVD, ADHD, SPD or  Autism. If there was, so many people would not be able to make money off of their ideas in books.  I think we can read the books and memorize the steps to follow and rack our brian till it bruises. The only thing that is going to help us figure out how to raise our children right is prayer. THe bible states that the Holy spirit is there to guide us in all that we do. I believe that not only means in our spiritual life, but in everything that we do, parenting, our jobs, relationships anything you can think of. Sometimes I think I forget how much God loves me and wants to help me . Maybe if I would take the time to listen I might be able to salvage this family before it is ruined. So I ask you to pray with me and for me, pray that the Holy Spirit leads us to what needs to be done for our child/children. Let’s not rely on the world to teach us, but rely on the God who created our children. And when He creates something He always says  ” It IsGood”.

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Young Crushes!

Yin is my feeler, my heart to heart little girl. I love it when she comes to me, very serious like, and says :

 ” Mom we need to talk. It is, you know, one of those girl things where ….well …. You just need your mom to listen.” 

Tonight was one of those nights. Not exactly sure what spurred these thoughts and the swelling of emotions that needed to be discussed in private ASAP.  But, she was really needing to get it off her chest. So, we sat down at the kitchen table and she began to release all the tension that she had bottled up inside about a particular boy she has a crush on.

Now I won’t go into all the details of our conversation because, Yin having NLVD, talking about her feeling can take a bit of time. I think sometimes she is not even sure how she feels. If she does, like tonight, expressing herself and letting out all the build up of emotion takes awhile.

When Yin understands the emotions that she is feeling, I love the way she expresses them. It is different than most kids her age. Heck I think it is different than most teenagers and adults. I don’t know a lot of teenagers. Maybe they do communicate like this. But, I strongly doubt it. I find it absolutely adorable, and love these moments, and just find myself tonight, wanting to share a few tidbits of Yin’s heart.

Yin comes to me and tells me that we need to have a heart to heart. Now being in a small camper, there are not to many places for us to go and sit privately for a heart to heart.  Yang feeling that it is going to be awhile, decided to go and wait in the back bedroom. Yin and I go and sit in the dinette area to discuss her problem.

“ Mom I need to tell you something and well it is not easy for me to talk about it.” 

When she starts off this way I usually get worried because you never know what is coming next. Did she break something, did she hurt someone or something, my mind begins to go a mile a minute. To my great relief her next words were:

You see I have a crush on this Boy (not going to give names due to privacy 🙂 ) I’ve met and well I truly think he may be the one!”

 “ I see, How do you know that He is the one?” I ask.

Yin was quiet for a bit and says very thoughtfully and seriously:

 “ Mom He is like my sword! You see,  you can’t be a knight without a Sword. He also makes my heart glow. For, He loves the Lord as much as I do and that Glow is what makes him so special. He is like the golden streets of heaven and the happiness that you feel on those golden streets. But mom, I know that this particular boy already has a girlfriend and He does not know that I like him. Should I tell him?” 

As I sit there with the biggest smile on my face knowing that she has this adorable crush and the way she expressed herself was very poetically done. I had to go into the whole Idea that right now is not the best time to tell this boy how you feel. The hardest part is relating to her emotionally without crushing her emotions and speaking in away she can connect with.

“ I think it is a beautiful thing that you like Him and have these very special feelings but, crushes are learning times for us”. 

She says“What do you mean?” 

“Well, I can tell you that I had many crushes growing up,  each one was very important, and I discovered something from each one. When you have a crush on someone there is something about that person that draws your heart to notice.  Something about them makes them special and sparks an interest. You mentioned tonight that this boy loves to sing like you do, is handsome, kind, and most importantly loves the Lord like you do. These are wonderful attributes to look for in a mate ( now Yin talks a lot about when she finds her Mate, so that is why we use that word. ) Crushes are the beginning clues to what God teaches us to look for when we find that special person. With each crush that you have, and there maybe many or there maybe few, think about what God is showing you in that person and write it down. THen pray that when the time has come, and you are of proper age, that God would bring you a mate that is handsome, loves to sing, is kind , and most importantly Loves the Lord with all His heart. The feeling you have are very true. I honestly believe you care very much for this boy, but mommy wants to put in perspective that you are 8 and he is 9 or 10 and right now you are too young to have boyfriends and girlfriends and a bit young to worry about who your mate will be ( this is something we have discussed before). That is not what God planned for this age. Finding your mate will take time. It will take lots of crushes and possibly heart breaks. You see not every person you may have a crush on will return those same feelings.

she says:“ Like this boy because he already has a girlfriend.” ( and she got a mad face.)

I said: “Exactly. But don’t be mad at Him, or for the feelings you have ,because these are  learning feelings. God is showing you something . These are clues to what may come in play for when the time is right.”  

THen she asks: “Mommy is daddy an accumulation of all your crushes?”

Yes he is and more baby.” 

She ended saying:“ Mommy thanks for listening to me, and I think I will write this down in my diary. One day you never know this information might come in handy.” 

I am sure like every parent when a conversation like this happens you worry. Did I say the right thing? Did I validate her feelings without making her feel like she was a baby? Did I relate it back to her in a way that she could understand the point. Luckily my kids read the blog every morning and can’t wait to see what mommy has written about. We have discussed that sometimes they might not like what mommy may write, and they are allowed to voice their opinion and talk about it. They also know that I will do my best not to embarrass them and that our lives being on this blog for others to read, May help someone with a situation like ours. They both agreed that it was okay to do this. They love the fact they their struggles may help someone else, and I promise to do portray them with respect. Yin watch a movie with Yang tonight, and when it was over came into see what I was doing. I read her the post and her response was “ That pretty much says it right mom” so I got the stamp of approval.

Also because they know I do this blog, It has made them more aware of their actions. They are trying really hard not to be used as a learning example for others ;). I might have just found the golden ticket to behavior. If this keeps up, I would be suggesting  every parent to blog, because what is better than sharing to the world your kids struggles?

Your kids working really hard to make sure you have nothing negative to share ;-).