Loving My Chaos

Living an Adventure with EE, Multi Food Allergies and Special Needs Treasures from God!


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Popping the New Year Resolution Bubble!

Well it is the beginning of a New Year! As the  ball drops and we begging to sing the song by Robert Burns, some of us begin thinking of all the people who have gone from our lives possibly friends we have not been able to keep in touch with, but most of us are think about the friends that we call New Years Resolutions! The not so great friends (habits) we struggled with in the last year and want to change this year. I have never been one to buy in to New Years Resolutions. I find them to be promises that are too hard to keep from all the rules and restrictions we put around them to make them perfect. This year for some reason, I find myself thinking about all the things I would like to be doing different. Not sure if it’s the tradition of the New Year or the idea that this is a clean slate, but I can not keep my mind from trying to make lists of what I hope this year could be like.

 

As I look at this past year I can truly say there have been some major parts of my life I could defiantly improve on.  I am sure many of you will be able to relate with most of them. I would like to make time for myself to read my bible more. I am always saying I don’t have time, but truly if I look at the hours,  I do searching the Web or playing MindCraft on the computer ( yes I love mindcraft, the kids and I are addicted to it and waste tons of time) I would have gotten through the bible twice by now. I would love a cleaner house with more organization, I would like to drop 80 pounds, have healthier meals for the kids and healthier snacks everyday, Exercise at least 5 times a week, and build some more relationships outside of family for the kids and I. These all seem like reasonable and typical News Resolutions. Nothing mind-boggling or any huge discoveries. Just a list of “ I would like to change” running ramped in my head. So, how to go about these wonderful changes without making them the typical New Year Empty Promises to be broken within a short period of time? I have no Idea! I am at a complete loss HA!

 

I find that Some of us who make New Year Resolutions every year with great intent and plans seem to fall short and just give up. I have to say I am one of those types. I am a perfectionist. I set the goals too high and I make it impossible to achieve any goal I set out to make. The rules on success that I create are too high for anyone to achieve. The expectations of what I see as perfect are popped into a million pieces within the first week causing a spiral of frustrated reactions ending with the decision  that it is easier to give up then to deal with the disappointment of another failed attempt to change. So how do I go about trying to achieve all my desires for this year? I think I have come up with a plan I can deal with. I am not making  any expectations! I will not make a plan that can’t be broken. I will face each day as itself, look at my list and tackle it one day at a time. If a day does not go smoothly, no big deal. What I accomplish is great and I will learn from it. Like every year I am not going to make a New Years Resolution for each of the items on my list. Those wonderful ideas  that are running ramped in my brain are just bubbles of failures ready to be popped by my inability to make reasonable goals.  My First Ever New Years Resolution is going to be the plan not to plan. I will  think of each day as an isolated event. I will be  thinking/praying about my list  and just see if I take it one day at a time, just maybe I can make a few positive changes this year. Making a few changes each year is going to be better than never achieving anything at all. I figure you can’t pop a bubble of expectations if there is no bubble to pop LOL!  HAppy New Year Everyone!

 

 

 

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The Dilemma with Discipline….

Tonight I find myself searching for answers on discipline. This week with Yin has been a big eye opener. I have noticed that there are a few things that she gets away with due to the fact that she has special needs. It is really hard sometimes to tell what is behavior, what is an actual sensory melt down, or what is truly and accident versus just poor judgment. I find that Yang is being affected by these actions in a way that is unfair to him. I realize something needs to be done. I am called to discipline my children. God says that a parent that does not discipline their child hates them!

Proverbs 13:24 Who ever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

How does one discipline a special needs child? I am sure I am not the first to wonder how. You can’t spank them because most of the time the child does not even understand why they would be getting spanked. It also can cause more trauma to what ever the situation is, and ends up being the opposite of what you wanted to accomplish. THen there is the timeout. Now I have used this one a few times, but boy it is more work for me than it is her. You put them in the time out area and if they move you take them back,  they scream, shout, hit their heads on the floor, or pull out their hair. They come out of the time out area looking like they were in a cat fight and they lost!  Or the opposite might happen, I put her in the time out and she sings and talks to herself like it is the best place in the world. Then I will sit with her and ask, do you know why you were in the time out. THe answer is always the same  ” Nope!” or ” Because you hate me! ”

Most of the struggles we are dealing with are made from impulse control issues. She will do things without thinking. Once she is in trouble and you tell her what she did wrong, she either goes into a fit, or in a rude unemotional way says sorry. Like, sorry is going to fix it all. She has about used up all her sorry’s that her brother can take. The part that is so confusing/shocking is that  she does not even really think she did anything wrong. There’s no remorse and if there is, it is more for her comfort than for the other persons feelings.

Yang loves his sister very much and he knows she is different from other kids.  But, at the same time, he sees a very intelligent little girl, who in his eyes, gets away with murder! She will “accidentally destroy something of value to Yang and it may truly be an accident, but how much is he going to be able to take. How do you keep those things from happening over and over again. He is getting fed up with having to say ” Its okay Yin, I know you did not do it on purpose.” but you can see the tension in his face and the anger in his eyes. He is tired of having to sacrifice all he cares about because she does not have the ability to self regulate. At some point enough is going to be enough and he is going to either explode or their relationship will be ruined.

Tonight I am praying for the  Holy Spirit to guide me in this struggle, for I do not know if there is an easy answer to our solution. I do a daily devotion on parenting from a bible app I use, and  today’s topic just happened to be on the “Power from the Holy Spirit” . I think many times when we are parenting a child with special needs, a strong-willed child, or any type of parenting struggle we may be facing, we feel alone. We try to find books or web sites to help us. I don’t think the answers rest in any of those. I don’t think there is a one answer fits all for a child with NLVD, ADHD, SPD or  Autism. If there was, so many people would not be able to make money off of their ideas in books.  I think we can read the books and memorize the steps to follow and rack our brian till it bruises. The only thing that is going to help us figure out how to raise our children right is prayer. THe bible states that the Holy spirit is there to guide us in all that we do. I believe that not only means in our spiritual life, but in everything that we do, parenting, our jobs, relationships anything you can think of. Sometimes I think I forget how much God loves me and wants to help me . Maybe if I would take the time to listen I might be able to salvage this family before it is ruined. So I ask you to pray with me and for me, pray that the Holy Spirit leads us to what needs to be done for our child/children. Let’s not rely on the world to teach us, but rely on the God who created our children. And when He creates something He always says  ” It IsGood”.