Loving My Chaos

Living an Adventure with EE, Multi Food Allergies and Special Needs Treasures from God!

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A Wild Animal Is Set Free, and Another Is Looking For a Safe Place to Hide.

A year ago, I decided why we were trying to figure out what and how to help Yin  not to participate in co-ops or any kid groups. Chuck and I made this decision because It was hard to keep her any classes  when we did not know ourselves how to teach her. Today after a year we finally signed up again for a Co-op. Being a social person and being trapped in my house homeschooling without really any other socialization besides Sunday, family, and occasional play date (which are rare in the home school world where I am ) starting a Co-op again for Yang and I was like letting the wild animals run free. It felt like a sugar rush and I am still high on all the interaction I had with other grownups who do the same thing I do. Not sure if anyone one picked up on my motor mouth and excitement but knowing me I am sure some did and my social skills were way lacking!

There are so many days I look at my little Yin and think, ” Wow we are so much alike!” Like Yin I am ADHD/ADD and my mind is always going a mile a minute. I am not the best with social skills, which through Yin I am learning so much, I tend to interrupt conversations without realizing it, I sometimes interject in conversations where maybe I was not really wanted into. I never know when a conversation is over, or if I have been talking too long. I have a hard time listening to all the details of conversations even if I want to and eye contact has always been hard for me.  I’ve  never known how to work on these skills until I started taking Yin to social Therapy. I also have some truly wonderful friends who understand me and know I do this and take the time to gracefully point it out. This allows me to see when I have been slacking on my focus.

The difference though between Yin and I is, I can see the expressions of others faces. I know that I either have over stayed my welcome or was not supposed to chime in. Now, I don’t know what you do once you’ve done that, but to try to wiggle your way out and try never to get yourself in that situation again. I have found apologizing is  not the way to go for most people might be thinking ” Who does she think she is?” but when you bring it to their attention, feel even more awkward than if you let it go :).  Yin however, does not see it at all. She is oblivious to what is going on and has no idea she has lost her crowd or that those around her do not seem to connect with what she is talking about. It is hard as a parent watching your child struggle. It kills me to see the disconnection and the inability Yin has to see it. It is not the other kids fault. It is natural to notice what is different  but knowing does not make it any easier to watch.

Yin loves to be with people,  but not always the same way as you or I would like to be with people. She goes into a room and right off the bat she is initiating conversation and many times she is loud, and personal space is invaded. Then once she has had enough stimulation ,which does not take long, she will begin to edge herself toward a wall or a corner where she can get away. She will pay attention to a teacher or the other kids by listening , this is her only way of processing the world , and running her finger across a wall, rolling on the floor and  keeping one ear toward the class. In her mind if her eyes don’t see everyone then she is not seen either. She will answer every question and will take in every bit of the class and anyone’s conversation that she might have picked up. So, by the end of classes today , 2 hrs worth, she was spent. I was so proud of how she did. I was able to keep her in a chair through both classes right until the end  and when she began to melt down before we left and kids were waiting on parents, she used her therapy tools to keep it together. Yin likes to hide in things when she is done. This is not a good coping skill, so the therapist has her put her head on the table close her eyes and use her ears. This keeps Yin in her seat in class and lets her hide in her way. If I can’t see them then they can’t see me. After everyone had left it was our day to clean so I gave her tasks to feel helpful and we got done and had a treat to celebrate.

At the end of the class Yang and I were supper charged. We had contact with the outside world and were pumped to have gotten out and could not wait to get more! We are looking forward to Monday’s. Yin on the other hand is not so sure. At the end she looked like a domesticated animal craving for the safety of her cage.. We had put her in a place that was not her element and she wanted her quiet home. I can’t imagine how it must feel to be her. She loves to be social. Seeks it out in all ways possible. Desires close friends and wants to play with other kids her age. SHe is lonely and truly craves companionship. But, when put in a place where those relationships grow and happen her mind does not allow her to succeed. She becomes like a tame animal stuck in the wild and is frightened, overwhelmed,  and wants to go home. I pray that someday she will make that one true friend that will accept her for how she is, and I thank God for places like our Co-op where she can test out her social skills in a safe environment , in short periods of time, and wonderful teachers who are patient and loving!



I challenge You To Tough Love! A Revelation from God on Discipline.

WOW, It has been busy here and I have so many things I want to share, but they will have to wait till a later date :). Today God has put it on my heart to focus a bit on discipline.

Disciplining a NVLD child, a child with Aspie’s, a child with special needs or really any child  can be very tricky. I have been praying and asking God to help me in this area. Kae is very dramatic and is highly intelligent. So much, I don’t even know if we have tapped into how smart she truly is. With knowing that I know that not all of her behavior issues are from her disabilities, some are just plain old  manipulation.

One of the things we are working on in all the therapies we attend is, what is behavior vs disabilities. How do I know when she is over stimulated and having a meltdown due to her Sensory Processing Disorder? How do I know when she is truly not understanding the world and is acting out or being rude due to NVLD and not just being a typical kid with an attitude? How do I know when she is truly struggling with a school task or a Chore task and is melting down, screaming,or avoiding it due to ADHD, Sensory, NLVD and all of it combined vs rebellion of a child not wanting to do what they want to do? These are questions I truly have been struggling with. How do you discipline a child who has so many Neurotransmitters firing in the wrong direction? How can you tell Disability from Behavior?

I honestly can say I had no clue where to start and I was seeing my little girl growing up wild and the manipulation, behavior, and disabilities were running the show. I found myself on my knees asking , more like begging God, to help me! THe professionals where not giving me answers. No one was helping me to figure this out because honestly, they did not know either. THe Therapist are all stumped there were no books dealing with this type of issue that i have found. And well  Yin is good! She has truly got manipulation down pat. SO, Now what? How am I to raise a child to be a contribution to society, not be selfish, and understand what it means to think of others beside herself. SHe does not mean to be that way, but her instincts are to be selfish. Just like your’s or mine is. We just have learned through trial and error, the worlds responses to our behavior, how we are accepted by others, and through discipline that was appropriate to the situation. SHe can not process 3 out of the 4 of those reasons on how we learned. SHe only has me and the discipline I give her to understand all of it.

God tells us that we are born into sin Genesis 8:21 states that “…even though his heart is always directed toward what is evil. His thoughts are evil from the time he is young.” also in Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child”. So when our children are born they are born into sin. We see this from the beginning , NO!,  is one of the first words that kids will learn. Testing their boundaries and disobeying is one of the first acts a child starts when they can finally start moving. Children are not innocent they need a savior just as much as we do. But how do you teach a child about God and what is good through discipline? How do you teach a child who doesn’t even process the world right and lives in their own understanding, desires and wants what is right and what is wrong?

The next verses God revealed to me confirmed to me that something needed to be done. Did you know that God states that if you do not discipline your children and raise them up right that you HATE THEM! Proverbs 13:24 ” Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” This verse Shocked me! I did not hate my child! But, How am I to do this without abuse! Now I am being honest here. Disciplining her for something that she has no control over and is not able to control would be abuse, but not disciplining her for her manipulation would mean that I hate her and that I did not love her enough to figure it out, that I was too tired/stressed to try , or that the world’s view of “they can’t help it and how could you” means more to me than the well-being of my child and the commandment that God gives me as a parent.

I was stumped, I was on my knees praying for God to show me the way and this week He has opened my eyes. Through prayer and reading about parenting in scripture I believe God is revealing to me the uniqueness of Yin. The beautiful way that she has been woven. The complex tapestry of emotions, insight , and the intricacies that she has to a world that none of us see.

The first  bible verses that I came across was Proverbs 23:13-15 ” Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Shelo. My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad. ” Next God gave me Hebrews 12:11 ” For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

These verses gave me strength. It is hard to see the pain that your child has just living in a world they do not understand and the idea of making more pain seems cruel but not to teach her would be even curler. So the last couple days have been hard on Yin. I have taken away all of her safety nets. The most important one her brother. Yang has always tried to keep Yin from getting in trouble. He deals with the temper-tanturms as well and just does not want another one in his day. He sometimes cries hearing her go through them because there is nothing he can do to help. But, yesterday night I told him he was no longer allowed to be her keeper. He was only to help her when he was given the okay. He was to help in the world but not at home. That way Yin could make mistakes and learn from them. I can say Yang was not happy and he understood that she needed to learn to behave but this was not going to be easy for him. He has gotten to the point where he watchers her so close she can not breath without him being there nagging her. It is a large part of the conflict and resentment between the two of them. I could tell in some ways he was relieved to hear that he was not responsible for her actions and that he was free to let her make mistakes. But, on the other side he was nervous he loves his sister and does not want her life to be harder than it already is.

So as I have been studying, God has been revealing to me Yin’s behavior, Yin is going through a hard adjustment time. Right now she is very angry at God, Me and Yang. She feels like we are making her life harder. In a way I guess we are but it is for the better. I have made a list of her responsibilities ( which I will share on another day.) and if not completed there is a consequence. The Rod comes in many forms, no DS, No Xbox, No Tv  spanking a child with sensory issues just does not work. It would cause confusion and would not be efficient for teaching. Not every child needs to be spanked and the word “rod” can be taken as any type of punishment that works. Key word is works. For example if your child is put in a time out and sits there singing and playing in the corner that is probably not the best disciplinary action :). Grounding a child to his/her room full of toys and they go off to play what ever is in there again not doing much. God has been showing me how to handle Yin in a positive way the last couple days and I have been amazed at seeing His promises for filled.

Lately Yin has been stalling on starting school. Yesterday she had lost mind craft for a week and she took the discipline really well. Then she lost the X box because she did not get off when the timer went off to start school again. She again took that one well and understood. There were clear cut rules and she understood that A + B= C but today she decided she was done with this new way of life. Today she decided that instead of starting her school she was going to use her Ipad to watch TV. She comes downstairs after telling me she was starting Science and I asked ” Are you bringing me your Science to go over” Her face was blank for a minute and then she started telling me lies about how she did not feel well and how she got distracted once upstairs. ” What have you been doing Kae for the last 30 minutes?”  She was holding her Ipad and said with a pouty look with a hint of so what behind it ” Watching TV.” I calmly took her Ipad and explained that is was school time and she new that. I reminded her that she told me she was doing school. I then deleted all video ability from her Ipad. The Horror that came next was enough to shake the house. There was screaming ,flailing stomping, running upstairs to her room and it went on for 2 hrs. I can tell you the house was in an uproar. Yang was upset from all she was screaming and all the crying. It was also hard for him to do school. My heart was aching wondering what all was going on in her mind. How was she processing what had happen. I sat downstairs in my chair and prayed. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to handle Yin. I was doing my job as a parent to raise her up in God’s way. We had just had a bible lesson before all of this talking about how God calls me to discipline when they do wrong and that They are called to listen and obey their parents. That God says that those who learn from correction are wise and those who don’t are fools. So as we waited the 2hrs to pass and I wondered what she would be like when she came out of her melt down I prayed. To my surprise she one did not fall asleep, secondly she came down with a her chewy necklace in her mouth and sat calmly on the couch for a while. She told me she was sorry and asked for lunch. There was a peace in the air. A peace that we have not had in this house for a long time. God said in Hebrews there would be a peaceful fruit and there was today. She finished the rest of her school without struggle for the first time in months. She was happy and content. I know that our battle has just begun on the discipline side but truly I believe I can do anything through Christ my Lord who strengthens me. I believe He will keep unravelling the the complex strings that are wound up in such a way to make Yin who she is. He will help me to break through into her world and show her who He is and teach Her how much He loves her. Right now she does not truly believe in God. She can not see him or touch him and that is hard. But through each promise He gives us I know He will reveal Himself in a way I can not even explain. In a way that her mind will understand and her Faith will flourish. God photopromises that if we discipline our children and bring them up in His ways they will not turn their back on what they are taught Proverbs 22: 6. I know that God keeps his promises. I think the key to any child in learning about God and the world is through righteous discipline. Kids crave it, they want the structure, and as parents it is our duty to teach them . So I challenge you to Tough Love! I  see so many kids runny wild around the children’s hospital and therapy places. I see the tired looks on all the parents faces but I challenge all the parents who have children with special needs. Pray for God to reveal to you how to discipline your child. There is no one case fits all solution each child is unique and it begins with trust. Trusting that God loves you and your family enough to show you how its done.

I know that my quest to teach Yin is just beginning and I know that it will be heartbreaking and a struggle to keep this up. For some reason I find it harder to discipline her than Yang. Maybe because he understands learns and does not repeat usually what he has done wrong on the most part. Yin will forget, she will challenge like a toddler challenges, she will keep me on my toes probably until the day she leaves the house as an adult. But, I am ready for that Challenge and Thank GOd I do not have to rely on my on strength to do it.

If you would like me to pray with you about disciplining a child with special needs or a strong willed child leave a comment. I would be honored to pray for you and your family..


Wonderful Yin Christmas!

Sorry it has taken so long to tell you about what we did for Yin for Christmas. I first wanted to make sure that they were going to be as good as we hoped and some of what we tried had to go back. But, we did have a few winners.

1) The top choice for Yin was the TRAPEZE:  My husband and I decided it would be great to give Yin an inside trapeze. We did not go fancy just one of the ones that you would connect to a swing set. We did not want to do a traditional trapeze like the ones at therapy for safety Imagereasons. This  I will have to say has been a great help. It makes her use all her muscles and has that swinging effect that she likes when she wants something to calm her down. Today was our first day back to school from the holidays and even though we are only doing a partial day ( trying to get her back in slowly) the trapeze has been a huge aid. For the first time ever while having a problem in her Reading lesson Yin excused herself to the basement to swing. We did not have a melt down or a temper tantrum. She was able to go down stairs and workout the energy that was building up inside and the frustration. She then came back with a few tears to get started but nothing like we have ever had before.

2) THE KINECT: Now I know I did the whole post on no electronics but Hubby and I were trying to come up with a way to get us all moving. The Wii was not doing the job. The kids had learned to cheat the Wii movements while sitting down. The only thing they were working out were their wrists.  So as we were shopping I saw the Kinect, and I have been really wanting one. I wanted something to make us all move. Hubby and I debated for a long time but finally he gave in, since there was room in the budget and I had to promise to get rid of the Wii ( I was fine with that since the Wii just upgraded their system and it was going to cost just as much to get the upgrade if we wanted any more new games). So i packed up the Wii after Christmas took it to a Gamestop got 60% my trade being a member and a special they were running and now we have a nice selection of Kinect games. I only allowed each of them to pick one sit down game for right now. They still have the rule of reading a chapter a day before they are allowed any electronics and they have to read at bed time.

Of the Kinect games, our favorites so far are The Advengers , THe Starwars Kinect, and Wipe Out. My kids are really not too much into the dancing ones but I do find them to give a great work out. I truly like the Biggest Loser since I am so out of shape it has been a great one to start with.   Yin works real hard to get school and reading done to play the Kinect.  She has also calmed down quite a bit and has been able to make better choices with her impulse control. I would have to say I do not regret this electronic purchase. I look forward to finding more Kinect games.  Even I am enjoying being a super hero!

3)THE RANGE: Yes you heard me right. We have made a BB gun and Archery Range in our basement. YIN loves weapons and to be able to pull a bow takes a lot of upper body strength. SHe also has to calm herself to be able to hit the target. She is getting to work with her obsession with weapons in a controlled safe way. FOr a long time we took all types of weapons from her. The toys made her violent and out of control. By using real weapons and focusing on the safety and dangers she has really been able to adapt and show the ability to listen and focus while getting to truly appreciate what it means to use a weapon. As for the BB gun she is doing great. She is learning all the range terminology Eyes and Ears at all time, Range hot, range Cold, Load and make Ready, Ready, Stand By, Fire, Unload and show Clear. She is doing great going through the motions and her focus is improving. She needs someone with her at all times to help, but the training has been great and I feel great that she is learning Gun safety.

The rest of her Christmas was  some normal toys and they have been nice for a good change of pace. But as usual the toys are only a short lived distraction and she really just likes to look at things then play with them. Her top toy was Buzz Lightyear. She likes toys that interact with her when she wants them too. With all of his buttons and voice commands he has become a regular guess at our dinner table. She got the horse Honey from her Granna which she loves to brush and feed. It makes noises and moves it head so she feels like it is responding. She also got a large stuffed Zebra from Granna and she loves it ! She actually Imagepretends it is real and can sit on it. She loves to brush it as well and it sleeps right next to her bed with the new Dreamlight. All in all I think she made out like a bandit. And Hubby and I are still researching ideas for gifts down the road. The major thing is she needs a variety of active Gross Motor skill activities to help her be in control. She does not understand the world around her and even her own emotions but now she has a way to let those feeling out and it gives her for the first time a sense of control in her environment.


Do Not Covet Your Neighbors House! The Cleaning Blues!

It is that time of year when I look at my house and think HOW IN THE WORLD DID THIS HAPPEN!  I will admit with my head held high 😉 I am not a clean freak! My house on a normal day is well a bit of a disaster. I know it is a sin to ” Covet your Neighbors House” but, I do covet those who have the ability to keep a well organized, clean and tidy house, and have a homemade dinner on the table by the time Hubby gets home. I especially covet those with cleaning services. Oh how I long for a cleaning service to sweep, dust and do the bathrooms. I hate doing bathrooms! But, That is never going to happen. I gave up that dream when i decided to be a stay at home mom who homeschools and I love homeschooling.  I love being able to fly by the seat of my pants, make fun messy projects with my kids, go help those in need, get out  and play on a sunny day, and (more often than I should) curl up on a cozy couch and read a book to my kids.  By having a spur of the moment life and dealing with the spur of the moment challenges that occur during my days as well, I shamefully admit that my hubby more than dreams of a super clean organized home ( He said he would give up the warm meals for just that). So this year , don’t ask why it has taken so long (14 years of marriage), I am going to (try very hard)  make a schedule to keep/get the house clean :). 

I do also have to admit that, though this is a desire of mine, a clean house means I have to start (drum roll of doom!!!!!) PLANNING MY DAYS! Just typing those words made my heart race faster and a bit of panic came over me! But, having a child with NLVD/Aspie and ADHD, a child who’s allergies have change and there are no quick meal options, my fybro getting worst and wanting to loose weight, and my husbands desire to come home to a clean house (which he deserves ), means I need to have structure and a plan that runs like a well oiled machine. Structure that Kae can depend on daily so her days will feel less chaotic and she will have some since of predictability and control. Structure where Ed feels safe again in the kitchen and can help me cook and create meals he will enjoy, and possibly the structure will lessen my stress equalling less fybro flairs and time to exercise ( Kae told me today that her soft and fluffy bread reminder her of me. Of course I asked how does bread remind you of me. Her response ” Because you are soft and FLUFFY!).

I believe that coming up with the structure will be my hardest part and I think there  is a way to do a calendar on the web page. I am going to look into that. I will post my daily cleaning schedule and try after the New Year to develop a meal planning schedule as well. Maybe by doing this on the blog You can keep this Wild and Crazy Gal to her goals :). 

To any of you whom I would Covet your home, would like to share any of your ideas and strategies please do. I welcome the help. For those of you who struggle like I do, come along for the ride. Maybe we can figure this out together.