Loving My Chaos

Living an Adventure with EE, Multi Food Allergies and Special Needs Treasures from God!

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God Had Other Plans! (Continuation on Relaxing)

Well I woke up today with some plans! Yesterday I tore out the kitchen, nook, and LR and decided to reorganize it. I only had one cabinet left to go through and I could move on to the  Coat Closet and School Room leaving the Upstairs for the next few weeks. I came downstairs got Hubby’s lunch together for work, kids were doing school all looked great. Sat down had my morning caffeine and decided to take my Adderal to keep me focused and said hello to the world on the computer.

Later I saw in the fridge I had some cherry tomatoes that were about to go bad and Zucchini so decided I would dehydrate them. Chopped up the tomatoes, got out the food processor to do the zucchini, went to open up the device after slicing them up and caught my pinkie on the blade and took out a huge chunk of my finger. Zucchini was ruined and the chaos began. I ran to the sink to get it under the water while I screamed for one of the kids to get me paper towels, bandages, and medicated ointment. My plan was to bandage it and get my day started. God on the other hand had other plans.

When I pulled my finger out I noticed it was a lot deeper than I thought. I quickly  tried to get a band-aid on it, it soaked through and blood started to run down my arm. Now the kids are starting to panic at this time. Daddy had been gone for about an 3 hrs now and the amount of blood was a bit overwhelming. Yang yells “quick give me a phone Call 911!” I am now trying to get the bleeding under control by wrapping it in paper towels then holding my hand over my head as I am yelling at both kids not to call 911! I finally get Yang to focus and try to help me wrap tape around my finger but the bleeding is soaking through the paper towels so fast we could not tape it fast enough. Blood is rolling down my arm we try a few more time and i hd to give up. Again I grab more paper towels hold my hand above my heart and I notice that Yin is missing. She had gone to her Ipad and texted daddy ” QUICK COME HOME! MOMMY HAS CHOPPED OFF HER FINGER!”

Now I am trying to text and hold paper towels on my pinkie while it is soaking through telling Daddy he doesn’t need to come home just debating if I need to go get stitches. So I then try to call him. He is in a meeting, Dad and Mom are out-of-town now what? On my 5th wad of paper towels I call a friend who I know would be able to help. At first she was busy texts me ” In the middle of something I will have to call you back later.” Normally I would not persist on bothering her I manage to text back ” Um sorry to bother you but I need to know if I need to go get stitches or if I should just wait out something.” Needles to say she called me back quite quickly. Helped me through the chaos over the phone  1.5 hrs later it finally slowed down enough where I could get a band-aid on it. I texted her back a huge “Thank You” with “I still have time to get my list done!” she sent back ” Why don’t you just relax for a bit !”. I decided to go upstairs and clean up and then get to work. Well cleaning up caused the finger to start gushing again, 45 minutes later almost a whole roll of paper towels from beginning to end, I am wrapped up and doing great! By the end the kids were a wreck , I had a headache and was exhausted so the day ended up with me on the couch helping with school and doing computer work I had put off.

So How does this have to deal with God teaching me to relax? Well, I have been praying for God to teach/show me how to relax, to stop and just enjoy the day, to not make such impossible lists that would cause me to frustrated at the end for not completing them. Lately I have pushed myself to exhaustion everyday. I have made up more work and making things more complicated than they need to be. I had woken up today feeling quite zapped, fybro had my arms in bad shape (where I could barely squeeze my finger to add pressure to make the bleeding stop or have my right arm held up for any amount of time), so to get myself going I had pumped myself up with a lot of caffeine, my ADHD meds  and I was going to get my list done. If I would have followed through with my plan, most likely I would have been sick in bed tonight and  tomorrow. God knew better and He also knew the only way to get me to chill was to put me out of commission.   Can’t say I like the way today went, but God had to do something to  teach me a lesson on pacing myself.  I do have to say, I do feel a bit more relaxed. My kitchen is a mess and so is the LR but we are all healthy and happy! Hubby is grateful for my friend who was able to talk me through the ordeal so he did not have to take off work, and for all of us working together to get through the day. Just forking this one up to a lesson well needed and a bit more chaos to keep us on our toes :).





Today was one of those days where I just needed to be alone, I had mentioned to my husband mid-week that Sunday after church was going to be a me day. I needed a break from all that was jumbling around in my head. Well I can tell you when we all woke up this morning, Yin was ready by 8:30 dressed and happy as a lark, Hubby had to meet someone at his second job and I was to pick him up on the way, Yang and I were grumpy as all get out! I do not know what our deal was but we were done with the day before if even started. Now for Yang this is not a normal attitude. He is usually up with the birds starting school or enjoying his morning in quiet before my feet even hit the ground. For me well mornings are never so pleasant but today it was the worst of the worst!

I got us all ready for church and on our way, in a grumpy voice I stated ” I bet my me day is down the drain!” We got through the service and God showed me how hard and sour my heart had become. Lately I have tried to run everything, lead our house ,and that is not my job. The crazy thing is there is nothing really for me to change or lead it has just been my sour attitude making up trouble. And I know that it pins on the fact that we have been gone and traveling and I feel disconnected with all the people and activities we had done before we left. Our routines were off, we had time schedules and all the stresses before I left came back. So as we are leaving church, Hubby grabs me pulls me to the side hands me some money and says, I am going to drop you off to get your car and you are to go and have you me time. I could not believe he remembered! I was so touched on how he sweetly told me how hard I worked and how he has seen all I have done since we came home and he wanted me to just have down time. Let him take control and find my place!

So I was off, and not so much to a good start. I had kept things so wound tight around my little finger I honestly did not know how to relax. I went to Panera hoping to use my laptop to take count of how the kids were doing in school, when we would finish and how to map out the rest of our time and it would not connect. I ate my lunch in quiet, next to a screaming kid with his parents, and I started thinking of all the things I had to get done RIGHT NOW! I headed to Officemax to get school supplies, did some Easter shopping, a few personal Items I needed, and grocery,When I was done I came in the door angrier then when I left. The grocery store had forgotten to give me a bag and I missed it. The storm had started and I had to go back out. Hubby looked defeated, He had given me this wonderful time off and I had not figured out how to let go. He sent me out and made me promise when I got back I would lock myself in our room and chill.

I left the house ,in a mood and a half, and headed back to the grocery store. I got my things that were left behind and when I came home, Hubby had a wonderful meal cooked and ready for me at the table. Homemade pasta he had bought at the market with some garlic Alfredo sauce, a steak and a glass of red wine. Kids were out-of-the-way, it was like I was at a 5 star restaurant all by myself. He waited on me and when I was done made me go to my room. So here I am, with my glass of wine typing this to publicly say THANK YOU TO MY HUBBY!

He knows that it is not easy homeschooling and running the house. He knows I appreciate all he does for us, and I have been trying to make him meals for work so he can stay on his diet. He knows I am trying to stretch our budget and keep us all healthy and fed. He gets it that I am tired with all the therapies, meltdowns, 24/7  kids responsibility. He also gets that it is hard to let go and relax. Finally for my ME day it is now almost 9pm and I am finally finding peace and rest. My mind is quiet and I am able to think.

As I close my Sunday, instead of thinking of Monday, I think I will take this time to spend it with God. Thanking Him for showing me my place and that I need to relax and let go. All the planning I do never works out, planning our lives to the minute is not how we live and is not how I function. Why I thought it would be a good idea is beyond me. Tonight I will spend the time trusting in Him even when I don’t feel it. TO rely on His plan, his set up and know that if I keep my focus on Him, I don’t have to worry about tomorrow or a plan. That each day will take care of itself and He has it completely 100% under control. Tonight I Will let God teach me how to fall in His arms and truly surrender all of me and just RELAX!

Thanks Honey for  teaching me that it is okay to let go and enjoy a little peace and quiet.

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100 Little Meatballs

I will have to say since I started Weight Watchers and the whole family has joined in on it I enjoy cooking again. For such a long time I have been a short order cook with all of the allergies and diets ,either by special needs or loosing weight, that cooking was a useless task that i’d rather not waste my time on. With all of us on the same plan and all of us needing healthy options it has been wonderful to be back in the kitchen. Hubby has been taking leftovers to work since he does not usually eat dinner with us ,and the kids have really picked up on the trying new things. Yin has discovered though she hates noodles she loves rice. What an amazing break through for dinner options. Yang is excited to be having wheat again and all is good in the world LOL! ( praying we get to keep it!)

Tonight though I thought Yin was going to loose it. SHe hates meatballs! Use to love them but had someone else’s that where different than mine and that was it no more meatballs ever! Now Yin and I are a lot alike. I do not eat meatloaf or meatballs due to texture. But, I found a way to make them not so mushy. I don’t use crackers, breadcrumbs, soaked bread or oatmeal. I literally make meatballs. So I promised her tonight that if she tried them, she would love them, and they passed. So I thought I would share with you the recipe .We served it over rice, it could make a great sub or serve over noodles as well.

If you are doing WW I will have it on the site so you can play with points. It averages out 1 point per meatball. But, if you play with the recipe serving calculator on the site 8 meatballs is only 6 points so something changes. Also WW does not allow you to do 100 so serving is 99. Also read through the instructions the web site would not let me change the order and being lazy I left a few things at the end that might belong in the beginning :). Hope you enjoy~

100 little meatballs in sundried tomato sauce

Your Recipe
1PointsPlus Value
Serves: 99


1 1/2 tsp olive oil
  1 large uncooked, onion(s), minced
2 pound(s) uncooked 80% lean ground beef
2 Tbsp water
2 tsp all-purpose flour
2 Tbsp dried oregano
3 Tbsp dried basil
1/8 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
2 tsp dried thyme
1/4 cup(s) white wine
1 tsp table salt
1 tsp black pepper
3 clove(s) (medium) garlic clove(s)
  32 oz canned tomato sauce
1/2 tbsp Earth Balance Buttery Spread, Natural, Soy Free
1 1/2 teaspoons Ener-G Egg Replacer
  2 tbsp Regal Sundried Tomato, minced, chopped really fine
1/2 cup Pacific Organic Broth, Soup Starters, Beef Pho
1 tsp Lawry’s Seasoned Salt


  • In a small mixing bowl mix together the flour, oregano, basil, nutmeg, red pepper flakes, thyme,
  • salt and pepper set aside.
  • In a large bowl have the ground beef already broken up and sprinkle the spices while
  • turning the meat  with one hand mixing them toghether.
  • In the same bowl you did the spices, place the egg replacer and 2 tbs of water whisk set
  • aside to let set.
  • In a large hot nonstick skillet, add the olive oil and butter , melt then add the minced
  • onion and minced garlic. cook until onion is translucent and all has a golden brown
  • look. add the onion garlic mixture with the egg replacer  to the meat and mix with hands
  • or potato masher until all is well combined.
  • Roll out 100 little 1/2 inch meatballs. In the skillet to cook the onions place the meatballs
  • and cook until done. golden brown on two sides. ( be careful they do like to fall apart .
  • You need to be patient and get them really golden brown) Drain off all fat. Replace
  • meatballs into skillet add the wine, beefstock, tomato sauce , sundried tomates and
  • sprinkel with seasoning salt. Let simmer on low until noodles or rice are done.
  • The points would not allow 100 for meatballs but cout your meatballs for how
  • many points you want your plate to be. The serving calculator helped
  • a lot 8 meatballs is 6 points.


Never a Dull Moment!

Since we have been home things could not be any crazier  and today just topped all days. Yin is sick with a cold flu  so I had to keep her from Co-op and Therapy. She was not happy but handled it quite well since she was feeling down. Yang on the other hand really wanted to go to co-op and through the grace of God he was able to, due to a dear friend who said she would watch him. This is not easy for anyone who ever meets us. Yang with all of his allergies and the severity of them not many will say ” Hey I will watch Yang!” the response I get most often is ” I would if I could, but I am scared to death to do it.” So for this woman to say she would be responsible for him while he was there, was one of the biggest blessing.  He was so excited and grateful.

Things were going well and Yin had not said or done too many things that were out of the normal. Then came the time to pick Yang up. I drove to the co-op and went inside to grab him and to say thank you. I had to leave Yin in the car for all of 5 minutes when I got back she was covered in blood and in the front seat looking for a tissue. Yin has never had a nose bleed until the night before. Last night was pretty traumatic but we got through it and I was hoping that today would be better. I open the door to the car and she starts screaming  ” I am sorry MOMMY! I AM SORRY MOMMY! MY NOSE GOT ITCHY!” I look in the back seat to see a lot of blood. A bit frustrated because I told her not to blow or touch her nose today without mommy, I asked her what she used to stop the bleeding! She had sat there in the back just letting it pour down her face basically in shock. I get her out of the car Yang hands me the tissues and I try to get her to sit in the back and hold it to her nose an pinch. As I am struggling to get her to help me and let me back to help her ( I am using a firm voice trying to get her to listen) she is screaming ” JESUS HELP ME! JESUSE HELP ME !” over and over because she is afraid of the nose bleed, while people are gathering their kids and going to their cars. One woman stopped to make sure I was not abusing my child all she could see was Yin covered in blood and hearing her scream. Finally I get Yin calmed down, nose pinched, and I am able to get us into the car and head home. Oh My! I really don’t know a lot of people in the co-op and they have no idea what I am like as a parent, Ha! I am sure some have some opinions now LOL!

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Oatmeal, Banana, Vegan Waffles for Dinner!

I thought I would share our favorite Waffle recipe! This recipe has been great for all the occasions for Ed when he has had to use Gluten free flour, or loss of Egg, You name it he has been able to keep this tried and true recipe. HOpe you Enjoy! Would have had pictures but the kids ate them as they were coming out with no syrup so no pictures this time around. Thinking about making them again for breakfast later this week I will try to add them.



1 1/2 Cups all- purpose flour ( I use the king Arthur’s whole white wheat. This has no barley which all-purpose does.  Have used all-purpose does fine )

1/4- 1/2 cup of old-fashioned oats

2 Table spoons of sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1/2  – 3/4 teaspoon Cinnamon (Just depends on my mood most of the  time I don’t measure just stick it in the palm of my hand)

1/4 or nutmeg

1 1/4- 1 1/2 cups coconut milk ( i use the unsweetened but vanilla and original is find too. THis is not in a can! I bet almond milk would be good too, Soy changes the flavor a bit and Rice milk was not our favorite but works)

1 ripe banana ( this is for the egg, I like to use a banana I have frozen and I thaw it out either during the day or in the microwave. They come out looking horrible but are great for this type of recipe. It is a great way also not to waste your banana’s when you don’t feel like making banana bread just pop it in the freezer till when you need it.)

1 teaspoon of vanilla 

2 Table spoons of oil ( I like grape seed oil)



First you will want to put your oats in a blender and make them into a flour. I like to blend them a bit more than instant looking oatmeal because I love the texture oatmeal gives. THere is no rule on how fine you make them. Next add all the dry ingredients into the bowl and blend them all together.

Then in another bowl you will mash the banana,oil, vanilla together with 1/4 cup of the coconut milk. You want the banana to be mixed throughout. Then add to dry and pour in the rest of the milk to desired texture.

You can either make waffles or pancakes from this batter and they are so GOOD ! I hope you enjoy!




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A Yin Science Experiment!

Yin loves science. It is one of her most favorite subjects. She is highly jealous right now of her brother’s co-op classes because he gets to take botany and dangerous boys while she is stuck galloping the globe and drawing. So I decided after our bible lesson to do a fun fact moment. I got on the internet and found a silly sight of just fun science facts. We had so much fun laughing at all the silly things.

So did you know that Horses can not vomit. That a pig can not look up into the sky. That you can not lick your elbow ( Yin tried for a long time that was hilarious),.That Walt Disney was afraid of Mice. Pearls melt in Vinegar ( which Yin and Yang explained that this makes sense since pearls are made from a bacteria and vinegar is used as an antibacterial cleaner). That is is possible to lead a cow up stairs but not down. That the reason firehouses have circular staircases is because back in the day when fire engines were pulled by horses and were kept on the bottom floor, the horses figured out how to climb the straight stairs to the second floor. Butterflies taste with their feet, and the favorite fact of the day was ……….Did you know that a turtle can breath through its butt! ( now it is not exactly breathing they absorb oxygen through their bums for a period of time if needed. )

So you ask,what does this have to do with Yin’s Experiment? Just look at the picture and you will figure it out LOL!

Does she have some turtle power?

Does she have some turtle power?

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A Wild Animal Is Set Free, and Another Is Looking For a Safe Place to Hide.

A year ago, I decided why we were trying to figure out what and how to help Yin  not to participate in co-ops or any kid groups. Chuck and I made this decision because It was hard to keep her any classes  when we did not know ourselves how to teach her. Today after a year we finally signed up again for a Co-op. Being a social person and being trapped in my house homeschooling without really any other socialization besides Sunday, family, and occasional play date (which are rare in the home school world where I am ) starting a Co-op again for Yang and I was like letting the wild animals run free. It felt like a sugar rush and I am still high on all the interaction I had with other grownups who do the same thing I do. Not sure if anyone one picked up on my motor mouth and excitement but knowing me I am sure some did and my social skills were way lacking!

There are so many days I look at my little Yin and think, ” Wow we are so much alike!” Like Yin I am ADHD/ADD and my mind is always going a mile a minute. I am not the best with social skills, which through Yin I am learning so much, I tend to interrupt conversations without realizing it, I sometimes interject in conversations where maybe I was not really wanted into. I never know when a conversation is over, or if I have been talking too long. I have a hard time listening to all the details of conversations even if I want to and eye contact has always been hard for me.  I’ve  never known how to work on these skills until I started taking Yin to social Therapy. I also have some truly wonderful friends who understand me and know I do this and take the time to gracefully point it out. This allows me to see when I have been slacking on my focus.

The difference though between Yin and I is, I can see the expressions of others faces. I know that I either have over stayed my welcome or was not supposed to chime in. Now, I don’t know what you do once you’ve done that, but to try to wiggle your way out and try never to get yourself in that situation again. I have found apologizing is  not the way to go for most people might be thinking ” Who does she think she is?” but when you bring it to their attention, feel even more awkward than if you let it go :).  Yin however, does not see it at all. She is oblivious to what is going on and has no idea she has lost her crowd or that those around her do not seem to connect with what she is talking about. It is hard as a parent watching your child struggle. It kills me to see the disconnection and the inability Yin has to see it. It is not the other kids fault. It is natural to notice what is different  but knowing does not make it any easier to watch.

Yin loves to be with people,  but not always the same way as you or I would like to be with people. She goes into a room and right off the bat she is initiating conversation and many times she is loud, and personal space is invaded. Then once she has had enough stimulation ,which does not take long, she will begin to edge herself toward a wall or a corner where she can get away. She will pay attention to a teacher or the other kids by listening , this is her only way of processing the world , and running her finger across a wall, rolling on the floor and  keeping one ear toward the class. In her mind if her eyes don’t see everyone then she is not seen either. She will answer every question and will take in every bit of the class and anyone’s conversation that she might have picked up. So, by the end of classes today , 2 hrs worth, she was spent. I was so proud of how she did. I was able to keep her in a chair through both classes right until the end  and when she began to melt down before we left and kids were waiting on parents, she used her therapy tools to keep it together. Yin likes to hide in things when she is done. This is not a good coping skill, so the therapist has her put her head on the table close her eyes and use her ears. This keeps Yin in her seat in class and lets her hide in her way. If I can’t see them then they can’t see me. After everyone had left it was our day to clean so I gave her tasks to feel helpful and we got done and had a treat to celebrate.

At the end of the class Yang and I were supper charged. We had contact with the outside world and were pumped to have gotten out and could not wait to get more! We are looking forward to Monday’s. Yin on the other hand is not so sure. At the end she looked like a domesticated animal craving for the safety of her cage.. We had put her in a place that was not her element and she wanted her quiet home. I can’t imagine how it must feel to be her. She loves to be social. Seeks it out in all ways possible. Desires close friends and wants to play with other kids her age. SHe is lonely and truly craves companionship. But, when put in a place where those relationships grow and happen her mind does not allow her to succeed. She becomes like a tame animal stuck in the wild and is frightened, overwhelmed,  and wants to go home. I pray that someday she will make that one true friend that will accept her for how she is, and I thank God for places like our Co-op where she can test out her social skills in a safe environment , in short periods of time, and wonderful teachers who are patient and loving!