Today was one of those days where I just needed to be alone, I had mentioned to my husband mid-week that Sunday after church was going to be a me day. I needed a break from all that was jumbling around in my head. Well I can tell you when we all woke up this morning, Yin was ready by 8:30 dressed and happy as a lark, Hubby had to meet someone at his second job and I was to pick him up on the way, Yang and I were grumpy as all get out! I do not know what our deal was but we were done with the day before if even started. Now for Yang this is not a normal attitude. He is usually up with the birds starting school or enjoying his morning in quiet before my feet even hit the ground. For me well mornings are never so pleasant but today it was the worst of the worst!
I got us all ready for church and on our way, in a grumpy voice I stated ” I bet my me day is down the drain!” We got through the service and God showed me how hard and sour my heart had become. Lately I have tried to run everything, lead our house ,and that is not my job. The crazy thing is there is nothing really for me to change or lead it has just been my sour attitude making up trouble. And I know that it pins on the fact that we have been gone and traveling and I feel disconnected with all the people and activities we had done before we left. Our routines were off, we had time schedules and all the stresses before I left came back. So as we are leaving church, Hubby grabs me pulls me to the side hands me some money and says, I am going to drop you off to get your car and you are to go and have you me time. I could not believe he remembered! I was so touched on how he sweetly told me how hard I worked and how he has seen all I have done since we came home and he wanted me to just have down time. Let him take control and find my place!
So I was off, and not so much to a good start. I had kept things so wound tight around my little finger I honestly did not know how to relax. I went to Panera hoping to use my laptop to take count of how the kids were doing in school, when we would finish and how to map out the rest of our time and it would not connect. I ate my lunch in quiet, next to a screaming kid with his parents, and I started thinking of all the things I had to get done RIGHT NOW! I headed to Officemax to get school supplies, did some Easter shopping, a few personal Items I needed, and grocery,When I was done I came in the door angrier then when I left. The grocery store had forgotten to give me a bag and I missed it. The storm had started and I had to go back out. Hubby looked defeated, He had given me this wonderful time off and I had not figured out how to let go. He sent me out and made me promise when I got back I would lock myself in our room and chill.
I left the house ,in a mood and a half, and headed back to the grocery store. I got my things that were left behind and when I came home, Hubby had a wonderful meal cooked and ready for me at the table. Homemade pasta he had bought at the market with some garlic Alfredo sauce, a steak and a glass of red wine. Kids were out-of-the-way, it was like I was at a 5 star restaurant all by myself. He waited on me and when I was done made me go to my room. So here I am, with my glass of wine typing this to publicly say THANK YOU TO MY HUBBY!
He knows that it is not easy homeschooling and running the house. He knows I appreciate all he does for us, and I have been trying to make him meals for work so he can stay on his diet. He knows I am trying to stretch our budget and keep us all healthy and fed. He gets it that I am tired with all the therapies, meltdowns, 24/7 kids responsibility. He also gets that it is hard to let go and relax. Finally for my ME day it is now almost 9pm and I am finally finding peace and rest. My mind is quiet and I am able to think.
As I close my Sunday, instead of thinking of Monday, I think I will take this time to spend it with God. Thanking Him for showing me my place and that I need to relax and let go. All the planning I do never works out, planning our lives to the minute is not how we live and is not how I function. Why I thought it would be a good idea is beyond me. Tonight I will spend the time trusting in Him even when I don’t feel it. TO rely on His plan, his set up and know that if I keep my focus on Him, I don’t have to worry about tomorrow or a plan. That each day will take care of itself and He has it completely 100% under control. Tonight I Will let God teach me how to fall in His arms and truly surrender all of me and just RELAX!
Thanks Honey for teaching me that it is okay to let go and enjoy a little peace and quiet.