Tonight I find myself searching for answers on discipline. This week with Yin has been a big eye opener. I have noticed that there are a few things that she gets away with due to the fact that she has special needs. It is really hard sometimes to tell what is behavior, what is an actual sensory melt down, or what is truly and accident versus just poor judgment. I find that Yang is being affected by these actions in a way that is unfair to him. I realize something needs to be done. I am called to discipline my children. God says that a parent that does not discipline their child hates them!
Proverbs 13:24 Who ever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
How does one discipline a special needs child? I am sure I am not the first to wonder how. You can’t spank them because most of the time the child does not even understand why they would be getting spanked. It also can cause more trauma to what ever the situation is, and ends up being the opposite of what you wanted to accomplish. THen there is the timeout. Now I have used this one a few times, but boy it is more work for me than it is her. You put them in the time out area and if they move you take them back, they scream, shout, hit their heads on the floor, or pull out their hair. They come out of the time out area looking like they were in a cat fight and they lost! Or the opposite might happen, I put her in the time out and she sings and talks to herself like it is the best place in the world. Then I will sit with her and ask, do you know why you were in the time out. THe answer is always the same ” Nope!” or ” Because you hate me! ”
Most of the struggles we are dealing with are made from impulse control issues. She will do things without thinking. Once she is in trouble and you tell her what she did wrong, she either goes into a fit, or in a rude unemotional way says sorry. Like, sorry is going to fix it all. She has about used up all her sorry’s that her brother can take. The part that is so confusing/shocking is that she does not even really think she did anything wrong. There’s no remorse and if there is, it is more for her comfort than for the other persons feelings.
Yang loves his sister very much and he knows she is different from other kids. But, at the same time, he sees a very intelligent little girl, who in his eyes, gets away with murder! She will “accidentally destroy something of value to Yang and it may truly be an accident, but how much is he going to be able to take. How do you keep those things from happening over and over again. He is getting fed up with having to say ” Its okay Yin, I know you did not do it on purpose.” but you can see the tension in his face and the anger in his eyes. He is tired of having to sacrifice all he cares about because she does not have the ability to self regulate. At some point enough is going to be enough and he is going to either explode or their relationship will be ruined.
Tonight I am praying for the Holy Spirit to guide me in this struggle, for I do not know if there is an easy answer to our solution. I do a daily devotion on parenting from a bible app I use, and today’s topic just happened to be on the “Power from the Holy Spirit” . I think many times when we are parenting a child with special needs, a strong-willed child, or any type of parenting struggle we may be facing, we feel alone. We try to find books or web sites to help us. I don’t think the answers rest in any of those. I don’t think there is a one answer fits all for a child with NLVD, ADHD, SPD or Autism. If there was, so many people would not be able to make money off of their ideas in books. I think we can read the books and memorize the steps to follow and rack our brian till it bruises. The only thing that is going to help us figure out how to raise our children right is prayer. THe bible states that the Holy spirit is there to guide us in all that we do. I believe that not only means in our spiritual life, but in everything that we do, parenting, our jobs, relationships anything you can think of. Sometimes I think I forget how much God loves me and wants to help me . Maybe if I would take the time to listen I might be able to salvage this family before it is ruined. So I ask you to pray with me and for me, pray that the Holy Spirit leads us to what needs to be done for our child/children. Let’s not rely on the world to teach us, but rely on the God who created our children. And when He creates something He always says ” It IsGood”.