Yin is my feeler, my heart to heart little girl. I love it when she comes to me, very serious like, and says :
” Mom we need to talk. It is, you know, one of those girl things where ….well …. You just need your mom to listen.”
Tonight was one of those nights. Not exactly sure what spurred these thoughts and the swelling of emotions that needed to be discussed in private ASAP. But, she was really needing to get it off her chest. So, we sat down at the kitchen table and she began to release all the tension that she had bottled up inside about a particular boy she has a crush on.
Now I won’t go into all the details of our conversation because, Yin having NLVD, talking about her feeling can take a bit of time. I think sometimes she is not even sure how she feels. If she does, like tonight, expressing herself and letting out all the build up of emotion takes awhile.
When Yin understands the emotions that she is feeling, I love the way she expresses them. It is different than most kids her age. Heck I think it is different than most teenagers and adults. I don’t know a lot of teenagers. Maybe they do communicate like this. But, I strongly doubt it. I find it absolutely adorable, and love these moments, and just find myself tonight, wanting to share a few tidbits of Yin’s heart.
Yin comes to me and tells me that we need to have a heart to heart. Now being in a small camper, there are not to many places for us to go and sit privately for a heart to heart. Yang feeling that it is going to be awhile, decided to go and wait in the back bedroom. Yin and I go and sit in the dinette area to discuss her problem.
“ Mom I need to tell you something and well it is not easy for me to talk about it.”
When she starts off this way I usually get worried because you never know what is coming next. Did she break something, did she hurt someone or something, my mind begins to go a mile a minute. To my great relief her next words were:
“ You see I have a crush on this Boy (not going to give names due to privacy 🙂 ) I’ve met and well I truly think he may be the one!”
“ I see, How do you know that He is the one?” I ask.
Yin was quiet for a bit and says very thoughtfully and seriously:
“ Mom He is like my sword! You see, you can’t be a knight without a Sword. He also makes my heart glow. For, He loves the Lord as much as I do and that Glow is what makes him so special. He is like the golden streets of heaven and the happiness that you feel on those golden streets. But mom, I know that this particular boy already has a girlfriend and He does not know that I like him. Should I tell him?”
As I sit there with the biggest smile on my face knowing that she has this adorable crush and the way she expressed herself was very poetically done. I had to go into the whole Idea that right now is not the best time to tell this boy how you feel. The hardest part is relating to her emotionally without crushing her emotions and speaking in away she can connect with.
“ I think it is a beautiful thing that you like Him and have these very special feelings but, crushes are learning times for us”.
She says: “What do you mean?”
“Well, I can tell you that I had many crushes growing up, each one was very important, and I discovered something from each one. When you have a crush on someone there is something about that person that draws your heart to notice. Something about them makes them special and sparks an interest. You mentioned tonight that this boy loves to sing like you do, is handsome, kind, and most importantly loves the Lord like you do. These are wonderful attributes to look for in a mate ( now Yin talks a lot about when she finds her Mate, so that is why we use that word. ) Crushes are the beginning clues to what God teaches us to look for when we find that special person. With each crush that you have, and there maybe many or there maybe few, think about what God is showing you in that person and write it down. THen pray that when the time has come, and you are of proper age, that God would bring you a mate that is handsome, loves to sing, is kind , and most importantly Loves the Lord with all His heart. The feeling you have are very true. I honestly believe you care very much for this boy, but mommy wants to put in perspective that you are 8 and he is 9 or 10 and right now you are too young to have boyfriends and girlfriends and a bit young to worry about who your mate will be ( this is something we have discussed before). That is not what God planned for this age. Finding your mate will take time. It will take lots of crushes and possibly heart breaks. You see not every person you may have a crush on will return those same feelings.
she says:“ Like this boy because he already has a girlfriend.” ( and she got a mad face.)
I said: “Exactly. But don’t be mad at Him, or for the feelings you have ,because these are learning feelings. God is showing you something . These are clues to what may come in play for when the time is right.”
THen she asks: “Mommy is daddy an accumulation of all your crushes?”
“Yes he is and more baby.”
She ended saying:“ Mommy thanks for listening to me, and I think I will write this down in my diary. One day you never know this information might come in handy.”
I am sure like every parent when a conversation like this happens you worry. Did I say the right thing? Did I validate her feelings without making her feel like she was a baby? Did I relate it back to her in a way that she could understand the point. Luckily my kids read the blog every morning and can’t wait to see what mommy has written about. We have discussed that sometimes they might not like what mommy may write, and they are allowed to voice their opinion and talk about it. They also know that I will do my best not to embarrass them and that our lives being on this blog for others to read, May help someone with a situation like ours. They both agreed that it was okay to do this. They love the fact they their struggles may help someone else, and I promise to do portray them with respect. Yin watch a movie with Yang tonight, and when it was over came into see what I was doing. I read her the post and her response was “ That pretty much says it right mom” so I got the stamp of approval.
Also because they know I do this blog, It has made them more aware of their actions. They are trying really hard not to be used as a learning example for others ;). I might have just found the golden ticket to behavior. If this keeps up, I would be suggesting every parent to blog, because what is better than sharing to the world your kids struggles?
Your kids working really hard to make sure you have nothing negative to share ;-).